Monthly Archives: July 2006

What do you think?

A college class was told that they had to write a short story in as
few words as possible.  The instructions were that the short story had
to contain the following three things:

(1) Religion,
(2) Sexuality,
(3) Mystery.

Below is the only A+ short story in the entire class:

"Good God, I’m pregnant; I wonder who did it."

 

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Managers vs. Engineers

Three Engineers and three Managers are going to a conference and had to travel
by train to get there.  At the station, the three Managers bought their three
tickets and watched as the three Engineers bought only a single ticket. "How
are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked a Manager. "Just
watch and you’ll see," answered an Engineer.
 

They all board the train and the Managers took their seats and watched as all
three Engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. The train
departed and shortly afterward, the conductor came around collecting tickets.
He knocked on the restroom door and said, "Ticket, please." The door opened
just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand. The conductor took
it and moved on.

The Managers saw all this and agreed it is quite a clever idea. So after the
conference, the Managers decide to copy the Engineers on the return trip and
save some money (expense reports). When they got to the station, they bought a
single ticket for the return trip. But to their astonishment, the Engineers
didn’t buy a ticket at all.

"How are you going to travel without a single ticket?" asked one Manager.
"Just watch and you’ll see," answered an Engineer.
They board the train. The three Managers cram into a restroom compartment and
the three Engineers cram into an another one nearby.

The train departed. Shortly afterward, one of the Engineers left his restroom,
walked over to the Managers stall, knocked on the door and said, "Ticket,
please."

 

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Peanuts

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway
When he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.
She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.

After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.  

She repeats this gesture about five more times.

When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady, why don’t you eat the peanuts yourself?".

"We can’t chew them because we’ve no teeth", she replied.

The puzzled driver asks,

"Why do you buy them then?"
The old lady replied,  

"We just love the chocolate around them."

 

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When a Girl

When a girl is quiet, millions of things are running thru her head.

When a girl is not arguing, she is thinking deeply.

When a girl looks at you, she is wondering how long you will be around.

When a girl answers "I’m fine" she is not fine.

When a girl lays her head on your chest she is wishing for you to be hers forever.

When a girl calls you everyday she wants your attention.

When a girl wants to see you everyday, she wants to be loved and pampered by you.

When a girl says "I love you" she means it.

When a girl says she misses you, no one else in this world can miss you more than she does

 

 

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Two blondes

Two blondes were planning to rob a bank.
The first blonde had a tendancy to be smarter than the second.

They went over and over their plans for the robbery and finally they headed out to commit the crime. They pulled up in their car in front of the bank.

The first blonde says to the second blonde, “Are you SURE you understand the plan?”

“Yes!” replied the second blonde.

So the second blonde gets out of the passenger side of the car and heads into the bank.

Time passes, and after 10 minutes the second blonde has not returned. The first blonde gets very nervous.

Finally, out comes the second blonde from the bank dragging the safe behind her by a rope, and seconds behind her comes the guard with his pants down.

“No you idiot! I told you to blow the SAFE and tie-up the GUARD!”

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